If you ask the average lucid dreamer what they like to do best in their lucid dreams, two answers are by far the most popular. One is flying, the other is sex.
Lucid dream sex can feel as real as waking life sex.
Most lucid dreams take place in REM sleep and genital arousal is a feature of REM, so this may go some way to explaining not only the realism of the sensations but the heightened sexual desire many lucid dreamers report.
One veteran lucid dreamer, Patricia Garfield, wrote an entire book about her erotic lucid dreams. She reports that the majority of her lucid dreams result in orgasm, and often do not even require a partner:
Often I will bring on the orgasm by ascending to great heights and then, turning, plummet back to earth or ocean. On impact with land or water, I explode into orgasm.
Patricia Garfield, author of Pathway to Ecstasy.
Lucid dreaming is such a versatile state that the dreamer can explore sexual bliss in any way that occurs to him or her. Sexual exploration in lucid dreams can even be a path to healing for some: a deeply inhibited person may experiment with lucid dream sex far more easily than in waking life, as in dreams we are less inhibited. Learning to express sexuality freely in the dream can carry over into waking life ease and confidence in the bedroom.
Clearly there are many ‘pros’ to lucid dream sex: you can’t contract STDs, you can experiment with multiple partners without hurting anyone’s feelings (unless your waking life partner is jealous of your lucid dream adventures: this does happen!), and the sensations can be convincingly real and result in actual physical orgasm, as demonstrated by LaBerge, Greenleaf and Kedzierski back in 1983.
Click here for high-quality video and audio courses. Learn how to get lucid and guide your dreams!
But what about the cons of lucid dream sex?
Being stood up by a dream figure
What if your heart is set on having an erotic lucid dream but no matter how many ways you try to get your heartthrob to appear, he or she doesn’t materialise? Or they show up but look totally unappealing, or start to fade away before your eyes? Lucid dream sex is not always as straightforward as it might sound.
People have reported their ideal lover not showing up at all or melting into nothing just as things were starting to get interesting, or even turning into an animal, monster or parent right in the middle of the action.
In these situations of spontaneous metamorphosis, lucid dreamers tend to report instant awakening or a sudden scene change. If the shock doesn’t wake you up, there are various possibilities if faced with this situation in a lucid dream.
What to do if your dream lover turns into a zebra
Ask the dream imagery what it represents – after all, why did your heartthrob just turn into a zebra? Was this a day-residue from a visit to the zoo the day before, so that an accidental thought triggered a change in the dream content, or is there a deeper message here?
Ask the dream imagery what it represents – after all, why did your heartthrob just turn into a zebra? Was this a day-residue from a visit to the zoo the day before, so that an accidental thought triggered a change in the dream content, or is there a deeper message here?- For those less fussed by the psychological possibilities, if strong lucidity is retained it can be enough to will the zebra to change back into something more inspiring, or initiate a complete change of dream scene.
- Patricia Garfield reports simply going with the flow in this kind of situation and continuing with the erotic activity regardless of the aspect the dream lover takes on, knowing that this is, after all, a dream.
- Release the idea of having an erotic encounter in this particular lucid dream. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be! Look around and see what the dream is creating, and choose a new way to engage with it.
Lucid dreaming is full of surprises and this is part of its fascination. We are not the sole creators of a lucid dream; there’s another force there, the force of the unconscious mind, a hotbed of emotions, associations, memories, instinctual drives and symbolic imagery.
The lucid dream is co-created: it’s a mutual dance. This is one reason why it is generally a wise idea to treat all lucid dream figures with respect, in erotic situations as in any other. It’s also helpful to expect the unexpected, remain mentally flexible, and learn to laugh at yourself. With this mindset, we can learn to dance to the creative beat of the lucid dream.
For a guide to having great lucid dream sex, see The Art of Lucid Dreaming.
Have you ever experienced a sexual attack in lucid states such as sleep paralysis? Check out The Art of Transforming Nightmares, a new book to empower you in all areas of your dream life.
Want to know how to decode your sexual dreams? See this blog post for tips.
Llewellyn’s Complete Book of Lucid Dreaming and the new release The Art of Lucid Dreaming both contain guides on how to have successful dream sex, how to approach your ideal partner in a lucid dream, what to do if the dream starts to dissolve, and more.
For professionally-produced, high quality video classes on how to get lucid, stay lucid, and guide your lucid dreams, explore Dr. Clare Johnson’s packaged video tutorials and audio lucid dream inductions.
Good to know that others are having sex as a lucid dreamer! & advice to “go with the flow”if unusual things happen because after all it’s only a dream…or is it???hummmm
Well, of course others are having sex when lucid dreaming! That’s one of the main reasons people want to become lucid.
i dont know what iam a vergin i dont know what exactlly happens in real life but in lucid dream sex is sooo intense that orgasm are soo heavy even a little touch is soo heavy breath taking 😱 when i was at initial stage to this lucude sex it was soo deep soo erotic that i just wanna get out wake up and after waking up i used to cries 🤣 yes i cried 🤣🤣🤣 cause it was soo intense deep sensatation i just couldnt handle …….. as iam now 18 yr old i feel like sex in real life is not at good as it is in lucid👀 sentation is 60 time lesser in real life i think ,,,
and some website i read that you cannot smell bla bla bla oh comeon yalll it is lucid dream LUCID DREAM you can do any thing u can fell, touch, smell anyyyyyyyyyyy thing 🙂🙃 but it is kind of more intense…..
Idk
Thanks. I just found your blog today by searching for an article on lucid dream portals. I like the idea of respecting dream figures and not being overly willful about having sex within the dream.
Hi C,
I’m happy that you enjoyed the blog post. Yes, it’s good to be respectful of others in any state of consciousness, I feel. It leads to deeper, more aware experiences, too.
Lucid wishes,
Clare
Lol. Im having sex in the 2 last lucid dreams thank god is with my husband. I also saw an earthquake with my own eyes!! It was so scary that instantly the scene changed to having a conversation with some neighbors.
Haha, anyone who had lucid dreams, also had erotic dreams! Because why not? I mean you can please any kind of fantasy you might have.
When your partner turns into a Zebra, make sure you don’t enjoy the process of making love to an animal, LOL!
I’ve been able to lucid dream since I was a teen. It’s awesome. Feels completely real. (Better than real life honestly) It’s weird though. My dream partners are so random. Mostly faces I don’t remember ever seeing. Orgasm 100% of the time. Most of the time I partially wake up towards the end of it. [people think I be having nightmares, waking up all seizure like.. lol nope.. it wasn’t from that.]
This is how I do it.
Step 1: realize you’re dreaming. That’s definitely key. (Probably the key to lucid dreaming all together because as soon as I start to forget it’s a dream I lose control of it.)
Step 2: Find a parter in your dreams but don’t be picky. Don’t just think words. visualize the “act” and it happens.
It seems easiest to to this either soon after falling asleep or just before waking. Interesting to read others experiences with this. I have super clear, vivid dreams and regularly remember a lot of details.
I have a 2 part question.
1 what does it mean when You dream that you are floating. You can control the direction but get scared when you fly to high.
2 Not so much a question but would like insight. I have had several dreams where I am getting intimate with a lady I am a guy. But as we are getting into the act either the persons genitals disappear and is smooth almost like a barbie doll or the person in fact changes to a stuffed animal. Lol What is that about?
Hi Fred,
When you’re floating but feel scared when you get too high that’s generally a sign that you are not fully lucid, because if you were fully lucid, you would grasp that the laws of physics are different in the dream world: if you fall from a great height in a dream, you don’t actually die. Gravity is different in lucid dreams, which is why you can float, and so on… I suggest if you find yourself fearful when floating, take a deep breath and remind yourself this is a dream, it’s all good, after it’s over you’ll wake up safely in your bed, etc. Then just have fun and enjoy this amazing experience of floating around a dreamscape!
The transmutation of erotic dream figures echoes the one I discuss in this blog post. Lol it can be funny to see how people morph during sexual lucid dreams. The thing is, you can hone your intention and your expectation in the dream so that this doesn’t happen. It can be helpful to vividly visualise a “successful” sexual lucid dream before you go to sleep, and fully expect it to happen that way. Often these metamorphoses are due to slipping lucidity, so also you may need to “ground yourself” in the dream, e.g. by reaching out and touching something in the dream, to engage your senses and remain lucidly aware. Lots of tips on this in Llewellyn’s Complete Book of Lucid Dreaming. But I hope this helps as a start!
Clare
My lucid dreams all lead to having sex with teachers or a friend’s mom
When I have sex dreams. They feel so feel. Like I’m actually experiencing it. I want to know what’s going on?
They feel so real*
Most lucid dreams occur in REM sleep, a state in which there is natural genital arousal, so this, combined with the ultra-real reality of a lucid dream, results in incredibly realistic sex dreams.
Yeah me too
so earlier today i tried specifically tried to sleep in order to lucid dream because i wanted to see what it as like to have a sexual encounter in a dream and i was home alone. I’m just wondering if it’s possible for there to be any obvious physicals signs that you’re having an erotic dream to people around you? also another note- when I started lucid dreaming it was like i was having a lucid dream inside ofa regular dream. I was a different person who was trying to lucid dream and in my waking life of the dream i was with my dad and sister except they were completely different people than my actual family and there was a whole storyline. Do you have any advice on how to become fully lucid without things like that happening?
Hi Phoebe,
sometimes when people have an erotic dream they may moan or move around a little, but this can also happen during non-erotic dreams, so it shouldn’t be obvious to others if you are experiencing an erotic dream. Try locking the bedroom door?
The more proficient you become at lucid dreaming, the more easily you will be able to avoid distractions in the dream world. One good way of stabilising the dream and becoming more lucid fast is to reach out and touch something – a dream tree, or a piece of furniture, whatever is around. Repeat to yourself, “I am lucid!”
Hope this helps,
Clare
Hey dr Clare! If I was to lucid dream about having sex! Would I moan and make noises in reality!?
Hi Ce,
thanks for your question, I already responded to this elsewhere on this thread: If you moan in the dream it’s possible that you might moan aloud in your sleep, but if you think about it, we sometimes have dreams where we are shouting and yelling yet we remain silent in our beds – so it’s certainly not the case that all dream noises are physically enacted.
Clare
I had a intense lucid dream that I felt his body heat against me, heard his breathing and when kissing my neck I felt the arousal. And not the first time I felt this.
Wait,if you orgasm in lucid dream will you orgasm in real life?And what if you moan in dream?Can it be heard in the real life too?
Yes, laboratory studies show that a lucid dream orgasm can result in physiological changes in heart rate, genital arousal, and respiratory rate corresponding to those seen in an actual physical orgasm (though this may not translate to an actual wet dream in men).
If you moan in the dream it’s possible that you might moan aloud in your sleep, but if you think about it, we sometimes have dreams where we are shouting and yelling yet we remain silent in our beds – so it’s certainly not the case that all dream noises are physically enacted.
Hope this helps.
Clare
So i just had a lucid dream where i was fantasizing about my husband cheating on me… in my dream, i was in the closet of our bedroom and was peeking through, watching them as they were engaging in sexual intercourse. Needless to say, i orgasmed in a the dream then immediately awoke while still climaxing.
How do you get out of a lucid dream? Don’t remember if you wrote this
Try wriggling your fingers and toes, or holding your breath.
But it’s more fun to stay lucid and carry on exploring! 😉
Clare
I shake my head back and forth and tell myself to wake up. It usually takes a few seconds but works for me. BUT,you can almost always talk yourself out of a bad one and literally demand what you’d rather be doing. It’s so amazing once you learn how to control it more!
I haven’t had sex in real life before – would it still hurt and so on (basically the same things that happens in the real world)?
Also, does the people (while lucid dreaming) have feelings and thoughts?
Hi Anna,
lucid dream sex doesn’t have to mimic exactly what first-time physical sex is like. Our expectations and intentions have a strong effect on the lucid dream environment. So if you expect it to be painless and enjoyable in a lucid dream, it likely will be.
You, as the lucid dreamer, still have thoughts and feelings for sure while in the dream, yes.
Clare
i dont know what iam a vergin i dont know what exactlly happens in real life but in lucid dream sex is sooo intense that orgasm are soo heavy even a little touch is soo heavy breath taking 😱 when i was at initial stage to this lucude sex it was soo deep soo erotic that i just wanna get out wake up and after waking up i used to cries 🤣 yes i cried 🤣🤣🤣 cause it was soo intense deep sensatation i just couldnt handle …….. as iam now 18 yr old i feel like sex in real life is not at good as it is in lucid👀 sentation is 60 time lesser in real life i think ,,,
and some website i read that you cannot smell bla bla bla oh comeon yalll it is lucid dream LUCID DREAM you can do any thing u can fell, touch, smell anyyyyyyyyyyy thing 🙂🙃 but it is kind of more intense…..
If I blink once or twice can I wake up?
Try it and see, Lola 😉 Usually if you intend to wake up from a dream, you can do so. It can be helpful to combine this intent with a gesture, such as blinking, or wriggling your toes.
Enjoy experimenting!
Clare
nooo you cannot wakeup by blinking or you just cannot use your outer body part which is exposed to air ,,,, but can only use non exposed body part like internal neck ,lungs, heart ,brain 🤣 but i dont to how to use all this i just make noise in my neck inside (like a sound of that wall lizard *like chok chok chok* ….. hope u understand🤣🤣
hi im schizophrenic diagnosed for 28 years but doing well ive always heard he voice of the same girl i grew up with for a few months. I have fantasised about her loads of times sexually probably cause she is always talking to me in my mind. recently i had 2 lucid dreams about her very graphic with odour, taste and feeling. i thought she knocked on my door and hypnotised me they were so real. as i could taste and smell and feel her body. why is this happening after 28 years of sexual torture by her is the only way i could describe my illness symptoms over the past 28 years. thnx Bonnell
Hi Sean,
lucid dreams can feel incredibly real.
If you feel uncomfortable with these vivid sexual dreams, it’s wise to talk to your therapist or doctor.
Some medications can cause our dreams to get ultra vivid and disturbing.
Good luck,
Clare
Trying not to sound to weird but I’m divorced (m-45) and don’t date and have sex on purpose. I’ve bought sex toys in the recent past to curb my sexual desires. Will using them slow down my chances of or prevent me from having lucid sex dreams? I heard if you’re not “active” that that will help you dream about it more. I want to have lucid dreams, especially many, many sex dreams, but can’t stop masturbating.
Hi James,
when people refrain from masturbation or sex, they are more likely to have a lucid sex dream as a general rule, but this isn’t necessarily always the case.
In REM sleep we all experience genital arousal, it’s simply a natural part of that sleep state. Some lucid dreamers become instantly turned on the moment they realise they are dreaming.
So the best way to find out what works best for you is to experiment. Repeating a mantra before you fall asleep such as “the next time I feel aroused I’ll recognise that I’m dreaming” can be helpful to trigger a lucid dream.
What if you have health problems and If i wanted to lucid dream well it effect my health because i don’t want to risk it
Hi Mirella, lucid dreaming can be very healing, please read up more (my website has articles, or any of my lucid dream books) or watch some of my YouTube videos to see if lucid dream healing might be something for you to try. I wish you vibrant health and beautiful dreams! Clare
Is this something that just happens randomly or will this start being a regular occurrence? I had a very long dream broken up into three parts. Once the woman and I went into her bedroom and locked the door it was like if a switch turned on and I immediately knew I was in a dream and could start feeling things. We were in the middle of everything when she thought she heard someone walk in and I freaked out and shook my head in my dream and instantly woke up.
I have been experiencing lucid dreams on and off since I was a child, every experience imaginable from the usual flying through sexual encounters and super human abilities. The question I have is that when I wake from a lucid dream, I arrive in a new lucid dream thinking that I’m now awake, and then go through the same variety of experiences, to be shocked and wake up in a new dream I believe is the real world, rarely this can happen several times. I find it very tireing, I think the most is when I woke up still dreaming, thinking this was reality, and repeated the experience almost 10 times, where the dream had the reality of my normal life and nothing unusual except the moment of falling through a hole. Of course when I eventually woke I knew that I was definitely awake, but during the experience I woke several times and thought it was reality, just to repeat the experience over and over again, like ground hog day. I woke from my dream, got dressed ready for school, fell through the hole and woke up again, this happened until I was on a degree of panic, that is until I eventually woke up to the real world.
I always have lucid dream in my nap.For a month,I have been dreaming about sex in my lucid dream.All of my lucid dreams are related to sex.what is the meaning behind my sex lucid dream?How can I put an end to my sex lucid dreams?I really need your answer.thanks a lot.
Hi Lil, please read this article for info on sex dreams – they are not always about sex.
https://deepluciddreaming.com/2021/05/lucid-dream-sex-and-symbolism/
If you want more info, my books Mindful Dreaming and Llewellyn’s Complete Book of Lucid Dreaming explore this topic deeply. Hope this helps.